Please Excuse Me

Some of you already know that I lost my Father a few weeks ago, but most of you probably did not know and may have been wondering where I have been. Well, here I am, sitting in this fog of grief.

Even though my Dad's death was expected, this is so hard, I never imagined how hard it could or would be, especially for this Daddy's Girl. I am finding it hard to function other than just going through the motions of my day to day life. I put on a good front that I am ok, but deep down inside I constantly ache. I struggle to remember simple things, let alone put two sentences together in some semblance of coherency. So bare with me, please, as I struggle my way back into the land of the living. I know that I am capable, strong, and resilient, I just need time.

It would be very easy to just lie in bed, pull the covers over my head and let the world go by, but my dad would come back from the afterlife and really let me have it. I know that he would want me to go on—to live my life. Isn't that what the grieving process is about, learning to live my life, not without my dad, but with him in my memories, in the traditions and love that I pass on to my children and grandchildren, and especially through the love that I still feel for my dad.

But where do I start, how do I find my way out of this grief, my way through the holidays without my father, and the strength to help my mother, siblings, and my children do the same.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

I certainly don't feel blessed because I am mourning. I took a hard look at the last part of the verse: "for they shall be comforted." That means God will provide comfort when I'm hurting so badly I feel like I can't take another breath. He will sustain me and carry me through this time. He will provide what I need.  So I go to Him for my comfort and am blessed for it.  And I'm truly blessed for having had a father who taught me to turn to God for my needs and comfort.

So please excuse me while I take some time to grieve the loss of my Dad.  I will still post periodically, when I feel inspired, and hope to once again be filling these pages with vintage cheer very soon.