Keys to Romance

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If you missed the previous installments of our Romance series, you can start here with Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.  

In this segment, I wanted to give some age old thoughts on the keys of a long lasting romance.  What did couples of the past value as important aspects of their relationship and use as the foundation to building a rock solid marriage?  Here are some of those elements that I feel still hold true today.

Priorities
Spending time together should be a priority.  Remember when you were dating?  You always made time for each other.  Making time for your spouse and using that time to "reconnect" shows that your relationship comes first.  Take time to relax together, maybe lounging out on the deck, stretched out on the bed, or even just sitting at the dining room table.  Just knowing that you are willing to devote some of your time to your mate will go a long way in deepening the relationship.

Trust
Without trust there can be no romance.  Every effort should be made to establish and maintain trust and it begins with you.  You should be a trustworthy person for your spouse.  Open up, voice your true feelings and encourage the same in return.  When your spouse shares, make sure to treat his feelings with respect and love.  Make sure that you allow the time and opportunity for breaches of trust to be repaired and always accept an apology graciously.

Communication
This is one of the most important elements in a successful relationship and can be sent in a variety of ways such as body language, in writing, and of course, verbally.  As often as possible, tell your spouse that you want, need, and love them.  Try a warm look from across a crowded room, blow a kiss, give a loving smile, knowing nod, wink, or flirtatious glance.  Also, try to keep each other up to date on your whereabouts.  It's nice to know that you can easily reach each other in case of an emergency.  Remember not to just focus on the things your spouse is doing wrong but also tell him when he is doing things right, compliment him.

Respect
Couples need to be watchful that their manners, speech, and actions match the love and respect they feel for their partner.  Harsh words, raising your voice, and hostile body language convey disrespect and can inflict pain.  Public displays of respect are uplifting so when in a social setting, be sure that your spouses needs are met.  Show appreciation for each others role in the family, regardless of who does what.  This support can give inspiration and courage to tackle each day.  Make sure you only say positive things about him to other people.

Humor
Laughter is a necessary part of life and having a sense of humor is important to keeping life in balance.  Playful bantering can be a cherished part of your relationship.  Joke around with each other using warm and wholesome humor.  Establishing a mood that is conducive to comfort and relaxation will compliment romantic endeavors.

Chores
Every marriage has its division of labor associated with, and in support of the family.  Romance, and many of the gifts it bestows on the marriage, is increased when both of you cooperatively serve the family and lighten each other's burdens.  Work along side each other and share each others company while doing a job.  Try trading off chores on a weekly or monthly basis or volunteer to fully undertake a certain duty in order to free him up for some much needed rest or hobby time.  Remember to perform these tasks cheerfully and without expectation of a favor being returned.

Disagreements
Conflicts exist in all relationships and constructive criticism and disagreements are necessary in a healthy marriage.  Frequently, the cause of a disagreement is stress outside the marriage.  Try to be sensitive to what might be underlying the tension.  During an argument, choose your words carefully so as to minimize hurt feelings.  Be mindful of your body language and stay on the subject at hand, don't bring up a list of past offenses.   To truly put a disagreement to rest, both parties must forgive and forget.  Take the lead on this one and remember the old adage that a couple should never go to bed mad or leave the house angry has significant merit.

A long standing, loving relationship isn't created in an instant, it's formed and developed over time through a variety of influences and there's no influence that has a more positive or profound effect on a relationship than romance.  Using these keys as a foundation for  building your marriage will help assure a long lasting romance.

Thanksgiving Traditions

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I can safely say that besides Christmas, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, partly because I love to eat, but mainly because of what this holiday means to me.  The thankfulness of all that has been bestowed upon me.  To me, the very word, Thanksgiving, evokes images of family, in which I have been richly blessed.  It also brings to mind roasted turkey, an assortment of pies, a change in the weather, and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.  And let's not forget about the Black Friday shopping extravaganza.  

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The Holidays in my family are steeped in tradition.  For Thanksgiving, we women gather at my parents house and work long hours preparing the feast.  

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The parade is always commencing on the tv while we create our delectables and it helps keep the kiddos occupied.  Most of the men folk in my family are hunters and spend the morning hours out in the woods.   

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Dinner is always buffet style because our family is too huge to actually all fit around a table.  

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My father always carves the turkey and then he blesses our food.

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After the meal, we spend a lot of time just sitting around enjoying each others company and then we break out the sales papers and begin our plan of action for the craziness that is Black Friday.

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Does your family have any Thanksgiving Day traditions?

Thanksgiving Table

Our family typically does Thanksgiving dinner buffet style which leaves room for a beautiful centerpiece on the table.  This year I wanted to do something different from the usual pumpkins, gourds, and mums so I started gathering inspiration.  Here are some of my favorites.

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Take a glass cake stand and fill the dome lid with nuts, pinecones, leaves, berries, glass ornaments, potpourri etc then place the bottom on and flip it back over.

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Take your old wine bottles and fill them with grains, rice, or spices, pop in some candles, add ribbon or twine and voila!  

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How about creating your centerpiece out of all different nuts and greenery.  I like that all the different heights and shapes of the containers create interest.

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How simple is this?  Hollow out some bell peppers and add some fall flowers.  Perfect for a small space.

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Fruit in a pedestal bowl interspersed with fall leaves.  Very simple yet festive.

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I like the monochromatic tones of this display and the sprigs of wheat to add texture.

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Wrap corn husks around votives or vases and add candles and flowers.  I like the purples incorporated in this look instead of the typical oranges for the holiday.

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This has a very primative feel to it with the ribbon, berries, twigs and feathers.  You could change it entire feel by choosing different colors.

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I love how the candlelight bounces and shimmers off of the mercury glass.  Throw in some berries and twigs and this makes a grand display.

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How fun is this!  A bouquet carved out of vegetables.  You could practice this one and every time you mess up, eat the boo boos. 

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How colorful is this, using different seeds, beans, nuts or legumes and placing a candle inside.  These are things that most people have in the pantry already and you could potentially use them in a soup with the leftovers after dinner.

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How about using vegetables as candle holders!  The green beans and asparagus placed around the candle and held by a ribbon, or the artichokes hollowed out with the candle placed inside.

All of these have given me lots of inspiration and ideas.  What do you plan to put on your Thanksgiving table?

Investing In Romance

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In this segment of our Romance series, I want to explore some classic ideas of how and why you would invest your time and energy into romance.  If you missed the previous posts in this series you can find Part One here, and Part Two here.

Each day in a marriage brings new challenges, but incorporating romance can help alleviate those challenges and the stresses of everyday life, strengthening the relationship.  One way to do that would be dating.  For most people, the art of romance was first learned through the dating ritual and it was through dating that most of us found someone we liked and trusted, who became our best friend, and with whom we fell in love.  Dating was, and is, at the heart of romance.  Make time for just the two of you, find a sitter for the kids, even if it's just for a walk in the park.  If it's been a while since you and your spouse have dated, with regular use, dating can be a wonderful boost for the married couple.  

And remember that you don't have to leave the house or spend lots of money for a date.  An "at home" date can be a fun and budget friendly option.  Send the kids out with a sitter or put them to bed early, prepare a romantic meal, get out the tablecloth and your best dishes, and don't forget the candles.  Few romantic images are more powerful than a candlelight dinner.  This is a great way to have face-to-face intimacy through eye contact.  Or, how about a picnic?  With fresh air and fewer distractions, picnics are a fun, relaxing, and romantic way to share a meal.

Another great way of showing your love is through the writing of love letters.  This means of expression is without equal and allows for time to get thoughts and the message just right, freeing those who are uncomfortable expressing their feelings.  The topic of the letter can be varied from general in nature, or more specific such as a thank you for a particular effort.  It can provide reinforcement of your love and encouragement for challenges that lie ahead.  Remember that a love letter is a lasting demonstration of love and devotion - right there in black and white, so be sure to date your letter because they are frequently saved and become treasured heirlooms.

Gift giving is another way of exhibiting the classic beliefs of romance.  Remember that in our first segment we learned that romance, in part, is the giving of time and the display of thoughtfulness.  So, more powerful than the gift itself is the sentiment involved.  The right gift, properly presented and well timed, is strong evidence that the recipient is listened to, valued, and thought of.  The key is to give a gift that was obviously intended just for your spouse, not a common or impersonal gift, but one that is based on something you know about them.  These gifts do not have to be store bought, you could also bestow a meaningful gift tailored to your spouse with a coupon book, for example, that allows your spouse to redeem the coupon for perhaps a back rub, a special dinner, or how about an uninterrupted nap.  - And to maximize enjoyment, be sure to wrap your gift, writing a few words of sentiment along with it.

In thinking of ways to invest in romance, one should not overlook the power of a kiss.  In the early stages of the relationship, kisses seemed almost intoxicating and during the limited time span of a date, they always seemed in short supply.  In a marriage, time and proximity to each other are much greater, but the kiss isn't always accorded its due.  The fact of the matter is though, the kiss can remain the stuff of wonder.  A tender kiss is a beautiful expression of love.  It should be considered a stand alone enterprise, without expectation of what might follow.  Just enjoy the moment.

Sometimes our most romantic experiences are away from home.  Little getaways and long planned vacations create special memories for years to come.  Discuss together what you would most like to do with your time because this can help build excitement and be sure to schedule some time to relax and regroup.  Remember to tell each other that you are grateful for your time together, no matter how short.  Even with those times when you or your spouse must travel alone, you can find ways to keep romance foremost in your mind.  You may be filled with sorrow when parted but there can be overwhelming joy when reunited.

Celebrations, whether large or small, bring merriment to our lives, and there's no need to wait for a red letter date marked on the calendar.  Invest in your romance by celebrating the good times.  Observe a number of romantic anniversaries such as your first date, the day you got engaged, or the day you moved into your house.  Or how about celebrating monthaversaries?   Along with these every day celebrations, don't forget to celebrate the holidays and special occasions.  You can always give yourselves something to look forward to by celebrating a different religious, ethnic, or national holiday each month.  Couples often celebrate in the traditions learned from their individual childhoods, and while these traditions are important, it's never too late to establish your own traditions.

Romantic gestures are often made up of small special touches and the process of discovering the ones that are just right for the two of you is half the fun.

Thanksgiving Photos

In honor of the upcoming holiday, I thought it would be fun to look at some vintage "Thanksgiving" themed photos.  There is just something a little creepy about some of them, knowing what happens to that bird in the end. Here are some of my favorites and I've had a little fun with them.  Enjoy!

When I said to stuff the turkey, this is not what I meant.

To catch that gobbler you gotta learn the turkey call

Get ya own darned bird, this one's mine!

That's a good bird, you just stay right there.

What ya huntin lady?

So, what do you think Tom, is this too much powder?

Are you a leg or breast man?

Hold still Tom, you can't go to dinner without your bow tie.

I'll have those turkeys falling at my feet.

Look me in the eyes, Tom.  You don't need to worry about what's behind my back.

Who does she think she's foolin?

Hey lady, watch the giblets.

Would I lie to you?

We're just going for a little walk.... out behind the shed.

I crown you king of Thanksgiving dinner.

Now where did that bird go?

Here turkey, turkey, turkey

Mommie, dearest?

She said we were going to a friends house for dinner.

He's right behind me, isn't he?

I'm telling ya lady, I can't fly!